I have faced a fair amount of trials in the last 10-20 years. 

And for a fair amount of that time I avoided myself. I shied away from who I knew I was and who I wanted to be. I let society and culture decide for me, and I drowned in it. For such a long time. 

This year has been some of the hardest trials I've ever faced, but also some of the most beautiful and rewarding, because of what they've made me face, and how I've turned back toward what I lost so long ago. 

This is the first poem I've shared publicly in almost six years. It's different than anything I've ever written. I hope you enjoy it. 

Forward is the only option

Trying to escape herself in this

sea of doubt

Ruling her mind in every

attempt to shout out

Is she as crazy as they say?

Does she need a moment away?

Or is she simply a woman swayed

By a culture that's lead her astray?

How young was she when they taped her mouth shut

with words and scorns for having born

her own name

In this shame

She weeps, but not to be held

to be heard

A word

It's all she desires to get out

But it never comes out

How it's supposed to

Because she's lost touch

With how to feel less used

They fall all around her - lying

crying

Dying to put her feet on the ground

Grasping

Collapsing

Fleeing defeat

But she knows she's meant for more

Than this

And it's only a matter of time

Before this rhythm turns to a rhyme

Before she dives overboard

And soars through the water

To find

Herself

Right where she left it

When they dragged her away

Those many years ago..